Saturday, January 07, 2006

Timing

There is always that time in the middle of the night, or first thing in the morning, or some moment during our waking hours where that rush of frustration, panic, anger, anxiety or other sensation emerges. While these feelings are largely coupled to emotions and while emotions don't necessarily contribute to solving a problem or changing a situation, the feelings definitely creep into the foreground of our thoughts. For troubling situations, the recurring presence of these nagging thoughts gets in the way of our agenda.

So often we're told to control our feelings, or keep them to ourselves. There is the idea that letting out your feelings shows you as weak, or out of control. While that may well be true -- especially if the behavior driven by your feelings is inappropriate at the time you're driven by your feelings.

However, there is probably a good time to release and share the feelings. Is it possible that sharing the feelings in an appropriate setting -- such as working with a colleague with whom you're, say, frustrated? If feelings and emotions are part and parcel of the human being and experience, then the exchange of feelings along with the exchange of ideas needed to relieve the anger, frustration, etc. may be a very positive step toward making the changes needed for personal relief.

As an example, if I go day to day without expressing to a co-worker a situation that I would like to see changed and I continue to see no change, shouldn't I emphasize the need for change by sharing the feeling? At a minimum, isn't it better to share the feeling with the agents needed to make the change?

Maybe the best thought on this subject is that one shouldn't experience the negative impact alone. Maybe it's better to save the feelings until the time when they can be shared with the change agents -- postpone the midnight rush of anxiety until you can be with the group needed to change the situation? Probably, yes. I'm sure I'd be the hero to many if I had the recipe for turning off anxiety immediately, knowing that there is a better time to experience it. What may be most critical is to control the behavior -- which could be inappropriate -- and to channel the emotion, which could be a contribution to changing things as desired.

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